Monday, June 09, 2008

Nitro ( final chapter)

Nitro did a lot of thinking during the night. He knew his cancer had spread and he was only going to get weaker. He wanted to leave his kingdom as he had arrived. On his own 4 legs. He didn't want his kingdom to see him dying. He wanted them to remember him as a strong caring and loving king. Nitro didn't meet mom the next morning for breakfast. Mom went over and helped him up so he could eat. Nitro and mom looked at each other and they both understood. Mom finished her morning chores with tears and sadness. She got her camera and took some last photos of her precious Nitro. Mom tried to take Nitro for one last walk down the road so he could nibble on the leaves and they could have some time alone. Nitro didn't want that. He jerked the leash from mom's hand and ran back to his goat family. Nitro wanted to spend every minute he could with Diva before he left Hidden Haven for the last time. Through tears mom told Nitro that she would be taking him to Southern Oaks Animal Hospital at noon. She gave him a good brushing and told him how much she loved him. She told him how proud she was of the way he took care of all the animals in Hidden Haven Kingdom. She told him she was so sorry she couldn't make him all better. She told him how he would always be in her heart and that his life would always be wonderful memories never to be forgotten. Nitro understood when it was time to go. He hated to leave his sweet Diva. He wanted so badly to stay strong and brave but couldn't help but cry out as he left Diva for the last time. Mom wanted to be able to talk with him on the way so fixed a place for him in her van. She took the seats out of the back and made a bed of straw for him to rest on. As they went down the road away from Nitros kingdom both of them were crying. Nitro leaned over moms shoulder and she scratched his head while telling him again how sorry she was. She started sharing some of her best Nitro stories with him. Reminding him of the fun times they had had together. Of how caring he was when he would watch over the babies at night for Diva. How she knew he didn't like wearing her funny hats but he did just for her. Mom told Nitro that out of all of Hidden Haven animals he was the strongest, most loving, most caring, most gentle and told him thank you. The trip seemed to go quickly. When they arrived mom had to leave Nitro alone for just a few minutes. She went inside to find out where to take him. Mom came back out and opened the door so Nitro could get out. Together they walked inside and down the hall with their heads held high. Some of those people didn't know they were in the presence of a king. As mom and Nitro waited for the doctor she scratched his head for the last time and told him again how sorry she was and how much she loved him. When the doctor came in mom put Nitros head in her lap, gave him a kiss goodbye and rubbed his check as he took his last breath. She removed his collar, thanked the doctor and went back to Nitro's kingdom. There will never ever be anyone that can take Nitro's place. Though mom's heart is breaking she knows Nitro has crossed over rainbow bridge and is with Sweet Pea. They are well and happy now and they are watching over Hidden Haven. Nitro knows his kingdom is sad but he wants the memories of him to make smiles not tears. He wants his human family to remember the pushing games and funny hats. He wants that whenever someone thinks of him a smile will come on their face. He ruled over Hidden Haven with happiness and always made sure to bring a smile to everyone.

47 comments:

ga.farmgirl said...

Oh Peggy! I feel just like Nitro was holding his head in my lap too.
My heart aches for you. I know that was a hard experience for you and your family, and that Nitro is at peace without pain.
My thoughts are with you.
Pam

amelia said...

I don't know what to say...

I wish you strength to get through this sad, sad time....

You couldn't have done more.

Anonymous said...

My heart is aching.

I can't believe you were able to write this last chapter.
I wish I had you strength.

I am sobbing. I can't help it.

God bless you Peggy.

Flip Flop Floozie said...

Again, this has brought me to tears and I feel like I have lost a pet too. He was a friend to you!! You did the best for him. It was better this way i think. I loved the stories. So great for you to remember...
Sadly,
Sandy

LivingTheLife said...

Oh! Peggy...there are a lot of us weeping with you and Hidden Haven Homestead today...I will continue to keep you all in my heart, wishes and prayers. I KNOW how hard this was for all of you...please know...I do so care, as many of us in blogland do.

Thinking of you sweet girl...you really are the sweetest thing...your babies are so lucky to know you and have you in their lives. Sweet Nitro knew what a jewel he had with you, you are the true royalty!

Blessings...
Teresa

Iowa Gal said...

I couldn't help but read through tears. He has left a hole in your heart but many happy memories too. He was the king of your herd. Every time you look at his children and grandchildren you will have a smile on your face because he is going to be looking back at you.

Donna said...

Peggy, so many of us are shedding tears with you and for you over the loss of Nitro. All of these touching posts will help all of us to remember him and the joy he brought to you and to us as we read about him.

wildbilltanker said...

Thank-you dear wife for sharing these final chapters in nitro's life. When you talked about writing about his life with us,I had doubts. To be able to express what was happening,while telling the story "Nitro" was going to be difficult.You have done a exceptional honor to him and Yourself(as many folks on here have said).love you william

tlawwife said...

May God bless you with much peace and strength.

Barbara said...

Dear Peggy, You are an Angel! My thoughts are with you. I agree with your husband that you have done an exceptional honor to Nitro and yourself. Thank you again for sharing this experience with all of us.

City Mouse said...

This is wonderful Peggy. Thanks so much for telling this story. It's so touching and and so sweet. I said it before, but I feel like I really got to know Nitro and family through reading your stories here this last week. Wishing you good things always!

Brenda said...

Wow this is so sad. Glad I just took my bath in your awesome soap and put on my new lotion or I couldn't take it.
I got my package this evening and it took about ten minutes for me to open and get in the tub, hehe
Thanks so much.

Anonymous said...

That anonymous was me Corky.

I have got to figure out how to get set up here. If William did it I should be able to do it.

Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

I am glad Nitro left you a rich legacy of memories: deep feelings and funny occasions. he has also left you offspring who will continue to remind you of him, you royal noble goat, Nitro.

PEA said...

I knew this is how it would end:-( I'm so sorry, Sis, I know how much you loved Nitro but it certainly is a comfort knowing that he's now with Sweet Pea and they're taking care of each other. That's how I got through losing a baby...I knew my dad was in heaven and that he'd take good care of him. I love you Sis. xoxo

hillbilly2be said...

Hey, Peggy. You did Nitro a real honor by writing about his life, and what he meant to you and the rest of the homestead. It sure is hard to let go of those we love, sometimes harder for us than it is for them, I think.

You did a very difficult thing by taking him to the vet, but the best possible thing for him, regardless of how you felt about having to make that decision at the time.

I'm sure you will think of him every time you play with his kids. So, he lives on, if only in memories. :)

Take care,
Ron

pondbluebird said...

i am so so sorry. this breaks my heart to think how you and the whole farm family must be feeling. sending you so much love ... xx

Lib said...

Oh Peggy, I am so sorry! My heart aches for ya'll!I wish I could be by your side.I can't be but my Love,Thoughts,and Prayers are with you. Oh how Blessed your furry and feathered Children are to have ya'll!You are such a Beautiful person, so kind and Loving :o)
Blessins',Lib

HomemakerAng said...

i am very sorry...

Lady P said...

Ah, crud. First Sweet Pea then Nitro. What a sad time and my condolences to you. You were the best mom to these 2 and they knew they were loved.I shall miss them both.

Mary said...

How brave you were doing all this alone to make sure Nitro crossed the rainbow bridge feeling so loved.

Dear Peggy - I admire you so much. Thank you for the story - you are such a special person and that sweet Nitro was a king among goats!

Thinking of you this evening and sending you a hug.
Mary.

Debbie said...

God Bless and keep you, Peggy. I know your heart is overwhelmed with grief for your precious Nitro. I thank you for sharing his story with all of us. He was a wonderful member of your family...such a noble creation. Your pictures of Nitro and Diva together brought me to tears as I read his story. What a precious bond they had. While he will live on in your heart and in your memories you also have his children to carry on his legacy. His kingdom will stay strong because he was such a loving, gentle king.....a fine example to all.

Jeanette said...

Dear Peggy, Tears streamming down my face as i sit hear.
You so loved Nitro, I hope it makes you feel a little easier knowning through his Kids and Grandkids a little of Nitro lives on..always in you heart..
sending warm Hugs across the ocean... Jen...

Kelley said...

Peggy, my heart is aching and my eyes are swollen from crying...
I have come to love Nitro through your wonderful writing of his story!
You were such a wonderful human mom to Nitro!
I am sure that he misses you as much as you miss him!

Anonymous said...

After every Nitro post I cried a little harder. I know how difficult that is to do. Even though he was with you and your family only a short time he had a lifetime of love. Take care, Donna

Kristie said...

I'm so sorry for your painful, painful loss, Peggy. (((HUGS))
Kristie

miss*R said...

so sorry dear Peggy. I am thinking of you. xoxo

meggie said...

Hugs & love Peggy.
I feel how much you loved Nitro, & we got to love him too.
He is at peace now.

Sea2Shore said...

I couldn't hold back the tears while reading this Peggy. I too am quite attached to my goats. I couldn't imagine going through what you did with Nitro. It's nice to know he is with Sweet Pea in Heaven. You are such a great mom! Take Care and have peace Peggy
Regina

JoyceAnn said...

I'm smiling through tears , Peggy.
This tribute to Nitro was wonderful , Bless You ..........

~ Warm Comfort Hugs to You ~
JoyceAnn

Debbi said...

Thank you for the story of Nitro's life at Hidden Haven. I enjoyed every minute of it.
We recently had to have our dog of 15 years put to sleep so I know what you are going through and how hard it was to make that decision.

Bless you

Jo said...

For all of the joy that Nitro brought into your lives (actually into all of our lives for those who have read about him in your posts) you have honored him as no one else could have. Thank you for sharing this tribute to Nitro with all of us. I can only think that Nitro is now looking down on Hidden Haven at the side of Miss Fran. They both knew love because they knew you.

Lady Laurie said...

I am so very sorry Peggy, my heart goes out to you.
Love, Laurie

Marci said...

Oh Peggy, I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose one. May the Lord help you in the days ahead. I will pray for you.

Lisa "Oceandreamer" S. said...

OH dear dear Peggy, how remiss I've been about getting around to everyone's blogs. I had no idea about Nitro and I feel like we've all lost a friend. You were THE best....he had to know in his King Goat heart that love always surrounded him. He was given a wonderful life and a wonderful wife and wonderful little goat kids. Those are good memories and it is the memories that sustain us whether the loss if the 2 legged or the 4 legged variety. Family is family.
My heart goes out to you and sends you much love and many hugs,
Lisa
XOXOXO

Rachel said...

Well Peggy, I knew when this final chapter was written that I would be bawling my head off and I am.

I am so sorry that this happened to Nitro but he couldn't have had a better home.

You are going to miss him, and I'll certainly be thinking of you. You were wonderful at writing this story, just wonderful.

miss*R said...

Peggy, just sending some more love to you today xoxo

debi said...

I am not just crying. I am sobbing out loud. This story hits too close. I am so sad for you. But you are right. he is well and happy now. The God I know has a special place for the animals he loves.

Rosie said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of Nitro. I know how much he meant to you. It's really hard when we lose the special ones. Hugs, sweetie.

Mandie said...

What a great way to document Nitros life. You have written it beautifully. Nitro is soo proud of you. God bless you and I will be praying for comfort.

Pony Girl said...

That made me so teary! It is so easy to see how precious your goats, and Nitro, was to you. It is hard to lose animal friends, they become such a part of the family. Goats especially have such character and unique personalities, it's hard not to get attached to them. My sister's goats are growing on me every time I see them.
You wrote this nicely. Nitro would be proud!

Jubie said...

Peggy, I have been busy for a time and just now getting to your blog again. Nitro has touched my heart! Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and love of a goat that meant so much to Hidden Haven and to his human mama!

Rosa said...

Sniffle. Hugs.

Jules said...

Oh Peggy.
We recently had to put one of our very first goats down. He was a Nubian wether. We had him and is identical twin for 7 years. One day he stopped standing but all else seemed fine.

After endless requests for help from the local vets and Texas A&M we figured out he had deer worm and it progressed to his brain.

We had the vet put him to sleep after 2 weeks of sitting and us raising him in a sling for several intervals throughout the day.

I spent many an hour sitting with him resting his head in my lap while I scratched his ears.

God bless you girl. It's so nice to have the love and support of all your loyal blogger friends!!

You and Nitro are in my prayers..
(my blog ID is my baby that is now in heaven with Nitro)

Anonymous said...

There is so much love and joy awaiting all of us on that Rainbow Bridge. I am so sorry for your loss. May your memories bring you comfort. God bless you and yours. Love~Forever Autumn

Anonymous said...

Hello Peggy,
I am Mary Anne the friend of Yakman and I just read this wonderful story of King Nitro.
I enjoyed meeting you and your animal family and will read more as the days go by.


It has been a fun evening talking with William and Chris. I am learning so much about many things.
I just recently got to know Chris by seeing him at the store and starting talking to him about the windmills and solar panels. Well that is another story but earlier today I was out to the store and had a coffee, sat and talked. Chris introduced me to William and then I invited them both over for supper.
You never know you what interesting people you will meet by just opening up and chatting.

so anyway while William and Chris were here they showed me your site and told me of all your blogging and then the story of Nitro.

Well Peggy I have a few less tissues in the box and my sinuses are clearer. Thank you for your wonderful story.
I said before I even read it to William and Chris that it might make a good book and now I know it would.
No it does not have the happily Ever After ending of a fairy tale, but I could see it as a wonderful story to help children understand the joys of pets.
It could be a helpful story of dealing with cancer and a pet dying. A tool to help children and grown-ups grieve and understand the saying good-bye to a special someone with a terminal illness.
I have hunted and hunted for a good book to help people understand death. My husband of 19 years died suddenly in Oct. 2001. At the time our daughters were 9 and 12. My dad died in 2005 with pancreas cancer.
Your story puts the human in Nitro, the way you have him talk to his family and how he worries about them. Those are all things that I saw my husband ,Mike, and my Dad go through in their last hours and days.
It is so much more than just a story about a super duper goat.

It is so much more.

Many many thanks for sharing your writing skills and your great animal family. I have always been close to my animals and think often of All Creatures Great and Small The lord God loved them all.

Peggy thank you and looking forward to reading more blogs about your daily adventures and viewing the photos.
no snow yet but we more than enough last year and
supposed to be another deep one according to predictions of the Old Farmer's Almanac.

Mary Anne (mamaharebear) in New Limerick , Maine

DayPhoto said...

It is so hard to lose animals, espically ones that we get to know and to love and understand.

I am having a difficult time with my Rooster. He is going to have to go. Not to another home, but over the rainbow. He just won't learn to NOT attack people. Still I love him, I enjoy how he takes care of the hens, how he likes to 'work next to me" he is really very social, has a pretty little sing-song whistle for special times, and his popping sound when he finds something good to eat.

I keep thinking I can calm him down, but he takes his Rooster duties seriously. I am afraid he is going to hurt someone someday, or maime one of the grandchildren. I must pay attention to these nudges, because to wait until he does is too late.

He is a beautiful bird.

Weird to compare a rooster to a gentle and calm goat, but I do understand. I do.

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/